A Nice Day

Thursday was chemo day. This may be so weird but Thursdays are really kind of fun. Dennis took me this week and we took Alexa along with us. Karen, Dennis' sister, met us at a gas station and took Drew and Mary home with her for a couple of days. It was fun to have Alexa with us. My nurse, Becky, was so sweet to her. She showed her how they access my port and draw blood (Alexa was not the least bit shy about seeing me get poked or seeing my blood going into a tube.) Then Becky took her and showed her how they test the blood. In the back ground (above) is a couple that Dennis knows, the Williamses. They lived in Hamer, next to Dennis' parents. Dennis also had a class at Ricks from him. In fact he was a big influence on Dennis going into geology. We visited with them for quite awhile. Sister Williams has ovarian cancer for the second time.

We played Uno, Uno Hearts and Aggravation. It was fun.
I have not all lost my hair. It is very thin though. I have to cover it up with something and I have worn my wig once. I will get a picture of it soon.

Sweet Little Mary (and Drew)

I thought this was so cute! Mary loves to play dress up. Her sisters have taught her how to dance.

A Tender Mercy

I saw the doctor on Thursday. He was so excited to know that things are getting better with the tumor, no more oozing and it seems to be shrinking. He did consider giving me a week off from chemo but that was before he looked at it. However when he looked at it he said, "Write in your journal today that we have received a tender mercy. This is what I have been praying for." He and so so many others. Thanks you all for your prayers. I can feel them in my behalf.

So I got chemo and am feeling a bit wiped out--but hanging in here pretty good. I asked Dr. Dickson what the future holds as far as treatment goes. He said he didn't know for sure but what he is hoping is 3-6 months of chemo, more likely 6, then surgery, then a maintenance chemo. I did the maintenance chemo for a year last time and it was when I went off of it that he thinks the cancer came back. I didn't ask but I may be in for quite a long haul on that.

It was a nice day on Thursday albeit long. My mom came and picked me up and we dropped off my kids at a friend's. My dad happened to be working in Driggs that day so he came for a while. My mom had met Dr. Dickson before but this was my dad's first time. When I got there they accessed my port and then we waited for the doctor. After the doctor visit my parents went and got some lunch for us while I got started on my chemo. Mom and I ate our lunch in the chemo room but Dad had to take off. I was so sleepy so I spent a lot of time with my eyes closed. In total we were at the office from 11:30 to 4:45. That is typical when I have a visit with the doctor.

We picked up the kids and went home to a lovely meal from our neighbors. Dennis had parent teacher conference so he was gone late but Camille helped get everyone in their pajamas and started a movie for the little ones. I went to bed. Jeffrey and Brandon had a church ball game.

One very exciting thing that happened that day: We got insulation in our new addition! Sheet rock is next!

And I guess I should do a hair update. It is coming out by the handfulls. But I'm not shaving it off yet. I can wear a long scarf around it and make it look pretty cute. It seems kind of amazing that I can loose so much but still have so much left! My part is just getting wider. :-)

Love Arrives Daily

I am so so amazed at the love shown to me all around. I get phone calls and cards in the mail, I have received packages and flowers. I know that some loving family members, Debbie, Kimberly and Janeen organized a "love train" for me. I feel kind of guilty that people are so nice to me! But I want you all to know how much comfort this all brings to me. Thank you so much for your kind service to me.

Regrettably I can not find one of the pictures of the first package I received. It was from my sister's sister-in-law, Laura Hartline who I have never met. She sent muffin mix, construction paper, stickers, a card game and other really fun things. Sorry Laura, that I can not locate the picture! We have really enjoyed the fun package. I'm still looking for the photo! Can't imagine where it went to. Thank you Laura!

These are some earrings from my cousin Dustin and his adorable family consisting of Whitney and Cade. I love the earrings so much! I have worn them a lot (notice them in the picture with my friends in my last post!) Thank you for your thoughtfulness Whitney and Dustin!

I was so amazed at this! A lady in our stake, Melanie Ipsen came by one afternoon with this porcelain figure that she had made for me. It just made me cry. What a thoughtful gift! One very early morning when I couldn't sleep I got up and sat on the couch to read my scriptures. I got the figure and put on the coffee table in front of me and just looked at it and cried and felt so loved. It was a very spiritual moment for me.

Funny story about the tulips. My cousin, Geri, visited me one day and brought them. It happened to be a day when a man from our ward, Jerry, came over to measure something in our new addition. When Dennis came home he asked me who brought the tulips. I told him Geri did. A couple of days ago he asked me if I had a thank you card that he could write to Jerry. In the card he told him thank you for the tulips. Fortunately I read the card before he sent it. I said, Jerry didn't give me the tulips. Why would Jerry give me tulips? Dennis thought that his wife, Dianne must have sent them over with him. I make all the cards I sent out and it was the only masculine card I had so poor Dennis just scribbled out the tulip part of it and wrote "oops". I told him that he could explain it to Jerry the next time he saw him. I know that Dianne reads my blog, so maybe you can have a good laugh, Dianne! Thank you Geri, for the tulips! They lasted a long time.

These flowers are from Joddi! I love all the variety! Thanks so much Joddi!

A Valentines package arrived last week from Janeal, my best friend growing up. I liked the nursery rhyme she included in her note to me. "Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold!" Her package was filled with such fun stuff. My girls loved it just as much as I did! Thank you Janeal!

Beautiful flowers were delivered to my house today from a local floral shop. They are from my cousin and fellow double cancer survivor, Ken and his wife April. Thank you!

In addition to all of this we have had many offers to help with our children, more than we can possibly accept. We have had food brought to us every Thursday as well as other times. Others have offered financial assistance. It is all very humbling. I think that this is one of the blessings of cancer. You find out how much people care about you! It is nothing short of amazing!

And another wonderful blessing , coupled with all the service, is, as Danna put it, a walk with God. Indeed. Such a blessing.

Thank you, thank you for all you do for me and for your prayers and faith in my behalf. We saw Dr. Hancock yesterday. The chemo has started doing it's job. The tumor seems to be responding. I got more chemo yesterday and have felt a bit wiped out today. But thank goodness for progress! My mom has had Drew and Mary since Wednesday night. We have missed them terribly. But it has been nice to have them cared for by Mom. Drew doesn't want to come home tomorrow!

Also, my hair is starting to fall. I had quite the handfuls today when I washed it. I'm grateful for the availablity of cute wigs. I have an appointment with the wig lady on Monday. I'm not loosing it as fast as did before. So I may still have hair for another week or so. But I have the familair ache of my scalp like before when it came out. I keep debating on the wig. I will probably know better by Monday what is happening. I am still hoping to keep my own hair. But if it only thins and it thins a lot, I will want a wig anyway. I don't know...

Ode to Girlfriends

I got a call on Monday while I was waiting for Drew at the dentist from Joddi (left). She and Carolee (right)had read my last blog entry and wanted to come over and visit me for hair appreciation week and take pictures. When I got home they showed up with a photographer in the form of Gus (age 7). (It just dawned on me we should have taken a picture of him! He was so cute standing on a chair shooting away at us! He is Joddi's son, by the way.)

If I could have a wish it would be that everyone could have the kind of friends that Joddi and Carolee are to me. They have been such great support to me in my battles with cancer (and in other times as well). They listen, counsel, love me and make me laugh.

Joddi is not unfamiliar with cancer. Her mom died when she, Joddi, was 11 of a brain tumor. I think when I got cancer and then got it again (which is exactly what happened to her mom), it hit her harder than it hit me. Carolee and Joddi lived in the same ward--but a different ward than we all live in now--when Joddi's mom died. Carolee's mom was part of a wonderful group of ladies in that ward who loved and nurtured Joddi, her brother and sister as much as they could. Joddi is so thoughtful and full of compassion. She always seems to know what to do to help.

Carolee and I have been walking together for almost 10 years. We go at 5:30 in the morning which sounds so crazy! But we really enjoy visiting and hardly notice that we are exercising. Wisdom and perception are two of her many gifts. I always feel that I receive sound counsel from her.

I think that the Lord definitely had a hand in the three of us living on the same road and becoming such good friends. I love them so much. Thanks Girlfriends for all you do for me!!!

Hair Appreciation Week

I never thought I was vain about my hair. That is until I lived without it for nearly a year. I recently listened to Anne of Green Gables on my MP3. I loved the part when she turned her hair green. She was trying to change it to auburn. She then realized that even though she was not fond of her red hair, she was very traumatized to have it turn green. Bad hair days can be a trial but no hair days are far worse. I have prayed that I will not loose my hair. Everything would be so much easier to bear if I could just keep it. But just in case will you join with me in HAW: Hair Appreciation Week.

Dennis laughed at this picture. I know I look way funny but I thought I'd just show off my new hair cut anyway I'd say I'm still vain. (see 2 Nephi 13:24) I will keep you posted on the hair situation.

I'm keeping a smile! Life is still good, no matter what!

Fresh Courage Take

Today Dennis took me for my doctor visit and chemo. Tonight I am feeling well so I decided to stay up and type an update. (I have had a hard time sleeping through the nights so perhaps if I stay up a little later I can make it through with a full nights sleep! Here's hoping!)

Before we left, Karen, Dennis' sister came and got Drew and Mary. She is keeping them until tomorrow night. It will be so nice to have a restful day tomorrow without any interuptions.

The first thing Dr. Dickson asked was how the cancer site was doing. One good thing about this cancer is that it is on the surface and very easy to observe progress or lack thereof. I told him it is still moist some days and that I have not noted improvement. He was very concerned. The treatment should be working by now. He talked us and himself through options. I could tell that it was helping him think to be able to say all the options aloud to us even though we don't really understand all the medicines he was talking about.

At one moment he fell silent. After the moment he told us he had been praying. I said I had been praying too. As I sat there I felt waves of fear wash over me. But he reassured us saying that he did not feel discouraged. He talked to us about Nephi and how it took them 3 tries to get the plates of brass. The Lord could have told Nephi right off how to obtain them but He didn't. He let them fail twice before Nephi went by himself "not knowing beforehand the things which [he] should do." Dr. Dickson said he knows what to do today and next week. He was going to have me take a day off next week but I don't get that anymore. I will go next week and have at least one of my three drugs and possible two of them depending on my blood work that day. After that he is looking and praying for guideposts that give direction. Next week he wants to have an MRI of the chest wall to see what is cancer and what is not cancer. There is a lot of scar tissue from my previous surgery and from radiation as well as swelling. Surgery is possibly in the near future and the MRI will be helpful to determine if that is feasible at this point. If the cancer starts to respond to the treatments this week, we will continue chemo. If it does not surgery will happen sooner than later.

One question that has been haunting me a bit. My first surgery was a lumpectomy and I have wondered if had I had a mastectomy this could have all been avoided. He answered emphatically, no! The cancer would still have come back and it would not have been obvious. So having this tissue still here is a blessing!

After our visit I went to the infusion room and got chemo. It took forever--5 hours today. I had the privilege of visiting with some neat people. One was Dr. Dickson's wife who gets infusions of magnesium every other week. She was so nice and I enjoyed talking with her. There was also another lady I got to know. My nurse today, Becky, was also so, so sweet. Her husband died of cancer 4 years ago. She told me that when he was going through chemo they took their kids with them one at a time to his treatments. They played games and talked. Their kids are so grateful now for the time they spent one on one with their parents. She said they have a family who comes with their daughter and they set up a card table and play games and have a really fun time. Dennis and I decided to do that as well. I think this is a great idea!

Tonight when we got home we had a wonderful dinner waiting for us from a couple of ladies in our ward. Chimichangas with all the fixings. And Fat Boys for dessert. It was all so yummy. I am so grateful for all the love and help I receive from the people around me. Thank you all for your love and prayers.

And now for a request. I need specific prayers in my behalf. 1. For Dr. Dickson to receive the inspiration he is praying for and 2. for the cancer to begin responding to the chemo. Thank you , thank you!

Love to all!

Reassurance

Last week my wonderful friend, (who also happens to be the chorister for Sacrament meeting,) Dian Kelly called me to see if I had any special songs I would like to have sung for opening and closing hymns in Sacrament meeting. I requested two of my favorites. I forgot all about this until yesterday when we sang them. I was touched again by the beautiful words and felt comforted by a loving Heavenly Father.

I first heard this hymn right after we were married when we sang it with our ward choir. It was during the time my aunt LaRue was going through cancer and it was a great comfort to me at that time.

Children of Our Heavenly Father

Hymn #299

Children of our Heav'nly Father

Safely in his bosom gather;

Nestling bird nor star in heaven

Such a refuge e'er was given.

Neither life nor death shall ever

From the Lord his children sever;

Unto them his grace he showeth,

And their sorrows all he knoweth.

Though he giveth or he taketh,

God his children ne'er forsaketh;

His the loving purpose solely

To preserve them pure and holy.

I also love the scripture references below the Hymn (and the first one was even quoted in our meeting yesterday).

D&C 61:36
...be of good cheer, little children for I am in your midst, and I have not forsaken you....

Psalms 145:9,14-20
The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works.
The Lord upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down.
The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thou giveth them their meat in due season.
Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing.
The Lord is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works.
The Lord is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth.
He will fulful the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them.
My mouth shall speak the praise of the Lord: and let all flesh bless his holy name for ever and ever.

This next hymn reminds me of growing up in Whitney. Sister Lorina Benson played it one time on the organ for her testimony. If I remember right, her husband Orville sang while she played. I have loved it ever since.

Jesus, Lover of My Soul

Hymn #102

Jesus, lover of my soul,

Let me to thy bosom fly,

While the nearer waters roll,

While the tempest still is high.

Hide me, O my Savior hide,

Till the storm of life is past.

Safe into the haven guide;

Oh receive my soul at last.

Other refuge have I none;

Hangs my helpless soul on thee.

Leave, oh, leave me not alone;

Still support and comfort me.

All my trust on thee is stayed;

All my help from thee I bring.

Cover my defenseless head

With the shadow of thy wing.