Ward Halloween Party



Bishop and Sister Bishop



The Stimpsons

The Hansens.  Mary was sick so Dennis stayed home with her.  Jeffrey was not back yet from cross country.

The Davids

Colette and Lillie

Cash and Elizabeth

The Elisons (some of them--they always go ALL out.  It is fun to see them every year and what Sandy comes up with--and I did not get a picture of Sandy and John.  They were someone I did not recognize this year!)

Krista

Evangaline

State Cross Country

Jeffrey ran in the state cross country meet yesterday in Soda Springs.

The boys team

Staying warm

Practicing

Ernie





Tylo and Joseph

Mason

Jeffrey

Jeffrey was a bit disappointed in his time but  it was such a fun experience to get to be on the varsity team.   And there is always next year!

We forgot the most important picture--my mom and dad came but we did not get them in a photo.  Thanks so much for coming Mom and Dad!

Looking Ahead

We saw Dr. Dickson yesterday.  It was an emotional visit for all three of us of us as we discussed the future.  I have really struggled with what I should write on my blog.  I have learned over the past 3 1/2 years that it is very hard sharing this kind of news with people.  You make people cry.  You find yourself giving out a lot of comfort. (And that does not bother me at all.)  You almost feel mean for making people sad.  I have tried to keep my blog positive and sort of wear rose-colored glasses.  I don't even know how to approach this!

I guess I will just plunge in.  I asked Dr. D. how much longer I had to live.  His guess is 3-6 months, most likely 3, judging on how fast the cancer is growing.  I could choose to do more chemo.  There is a 20% chance that it will make a difference.  It could give me possibly 3 extra months.  I have to decide what to do.

I was visiting with a lady today.  She said the doctor gave her husband 1 1/2 months to live after he was diagnosed with cancer and he survived 11 months.  I was happy to hear that and it seems like we hear stories all the time about people beating the odds. 

So now what? 
My thoughts for the last few weeks have been to prepare. 
That is what I have been doing. 
I am still here!!
I must do the most important things. 
I can choose to be cheerful. (It's very hard sometimes!!!)
I can strengthen my kids for what lies ahead. 
Dennis and I have been thinking of their future needs and have tried to talk to them openly about what may lie ahead. 
My kids need to know of my testimony. 
They need to know I love them.
They need to know that submission to Heavenly Father's will is so important to me.
I need to pray for my husband and do what I can to strengthen him.

We are going to be okay!!!  Try not to worry about us.  I know Heavenly Father is in charge.  He knows us and loves us and blesses us.  Of this I have no doubt.

It's a Team Effort

A couple of weeks ago I got a really bad hair cut.  It is so so short and I continue to loathe it.  But I will have sweet memories because of it.  The day after receiving the hair cut I needed to get it fixed and it just was so ugly and I broke down and could not seem to stop crying.  I knew I needed girl friend help.  Joddi was home and hurried down.  She helped me with it and gave me a straightening iron she said she doesn't use.  She was one of those earthly angels.

My hair looks best on Sundays.  Dennis helps me with it.

I can get it gelled, dried and straightened by myself.

I then grab a chunk of hair and Dennis holds it up and I back comb it.  We do that several times. Then I hair spray it and let it dry and then smooth it out. 

Camille helped me do that once too.  It turns out pretty well.  Thanks to all my helpers!

I Graduated and Got My Diploma

Four weeks of radiation is complete.  And yes, I did get a diploma.  Now I have two!
I have mentioned before that my medication has rendered me unable to drive because it makes me so sleepy so I have relied on someone to take me everyday.  It has been hard to feel like an imposition and I have wondered many times if I should just buck up and get there myself! But a wonderful thing has occurred during this time.  It has been a huge blessing to be able to visit with someone 1 1/2 hours  every day.  It has routed out a depressed spirit and made me more emotionally healthy.  I will really miss this part of radiation!  Sari and Ronda, my visiting teachers have each taken me weekly.  Other drivers have been Mom, Andi, Karen, Julie, Geri, Dianne, Colette, Elaine and Christine.   Earthly angels I assure you. (I'm surrounded by them!)

Also in:  My new compression sleeve came yesterday.  It really helps to keep the swelling down in my arm. I'm so grateful to have it!
 

Next week I will see Dr. Dickson to find out what is next.  It makes me feel a bit weary and sometimes a little weepy.  I hope it isn't anything too bad.  I'm sure I will be blessed with the help I need because that is just how it has always been.  So I need not fear.

The Pirates of Penzance

 Jeffrey is in the community orchestra that is playing for the high scool musical this week.  He is the only trumpet. (He has to miss tonight (cross country) and tomorrow (football game--because the game it is part of his grade.)  

We really liked the play.

Hope On!

I visited with the radiation oncologist today after radiation.  He said that we still have a lot of room for hope that the radiation will still work.  The radiation has caused some of the swelling and things may still improve in my hand.  Ohhhhh!  I am so happy to hear this!  Keep praying folks!

Tonight we went to a volleyball game but it didn't turn out to be the game we thought it was.  Oh well.  We still got to see some of our favorite people!

 

Puffy

My face is so puffy.  I think it is the cancer causing it to swell.  Dennis wonders if it is the radiation.  Either way I look very ugly.

 My mom came today and drove me to radiation.   She then spent the afternoon playing with Mary and sewing Jeffrey's scouting patches on a banner.  Thanks Mom!  I tried to nap but my arm hurts so it was hard.  I may have slept a bit.

Dennis helped get homework finished up.  I had listened to Drew read before FHE.  It was fun to snuggle and love my little guy.

Hoping for New Balance




Mary helping mix pizza dough.

 



Doing dishes (by force!!)

 It has been strange and different lately.   It feels like I've entered a new stage in life.  It sort of seems like things have started counting more.  That can be good I suppose.  But it has been a huge struggle.  I have always had very high expectations of myself.  I also seem to lack much of a sense of humor to help balance that out.  I have worked very hard to try to feel self esteem in this arena and with a lot of prayer I have made progress.  So in these past couple of weeks it feels like a huge back slide for me. 

My expectations are up, way up.  A lot is at stake here, or so it feels.  What will my kids remember?

I seem to just blow up.  Yikes! Just as an example,  I make too big of a deal that the one armed mother is preparing dinner for eight and 4 able-bodied children ignore the calls to help.  And how come they don't just pitch in?  I also tire easily and feel guilty about needing so much rest. 

So I am trying extra hard.  Praying, praying for help to do it right. 

Don't take me wrong.  It is not life on the rock pile.  I have a great life and so many blessings!!!!!!!!!  I am sorry for sounding so negative.  But this situation has caught me off guard and I just wanted to explain it a bit.

Thanks for listening.

Recent Events

 My cousin Geri, took me to radiation today.  On the way home we stopped at Mr. Pizza in Shelley.  In over 20 years Mr. Pizza has not updated their facility or their prices--$2.00 for their fabulous lunch special of pizza, bread sticks and a drink! Delicious! If you are ever in Shelley around lunch time I highly recommend it! (so does Geri...she was impressed and ordered a meal to take to her husband.)

 Mary got a hair cut (Monday).  She got bangs because I can no longer maneuver rubber bands in her hair.  Thanks Christy!  And thanks to Karen for driving me to radiation that day.  Before the haircut we cut fabric for 6 luxuriously soft Minky blankets that Lei Lani is quilting for me.

Last Friday Dennis and the kids did not have school.  We went to radiation and brunch at Perkins  together.  It was a lot of fun.  This was an incentive for a memorization project--The Proclamation on the Family. It took us a year, but we did it!

Have I mentioned we have a new driver in the family?

How Am I Doing?

Tuesday I saw a physical therapist about my lymphadema. She said we caught it very early it is so good.  Most to all of my swelling can be controlled with a compression sleeve.  They gave me a glove that has taken down the swelling in my hand.  I do not mind because it helps with the pain.  Pain pills are a life savers too!

After meeting with her I had my radiation and then met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. McAllister.  I like him. He is personable and open.  The result of the MRI that I had confirmed what Dr. Dickson thought, that the cancer is growing around the nerve in the brachial plexus. The nerve starts in the back of my shoulder an goes under the collar bone in the front and down my arm. I am on a reduced dose of radiation to that area to hopefully kill that cancer and save the nerve.  Hopefully I will get the use of my hand back, but it will not be a speedy thing it sounds like and may even take longer to see results longer than getting all my radiation. I am in my second week of a 4-week treatment plan--no changes yet in improvement. 

The radiation is not bad at all.  I lay on this "bed" that they move with a control.  I lay on a mold they made me the first day so it is easier to always have the same position.  They line up all my tattoos to make sure they are in exactly the right spot.  Then everyone leaves the heavily-doored room (except me, of course) and the radiation is turned on for about 25 seconds from as nearly as my one-Mississippi, two Mississippi method tells me. Then I'm done. 

I asked Dr. McAllister a couple of question I have never dared ask.   I sort of asked how long....? I don't know why I have not ever asked.  Part of the reason is because I do not think there is an answer, no one can know that!. And of course, assuming someone really does know the answer, I don't think I really want to know, but at the same time I do want to know.  Sounds very conflicting and let me assure you that that is true!   He said he can not predict the next 10 minutes let alone the next ten years.  (That is true for every person on earth!) He said that I have the disease that will eventually take my life and treatments will not save me (well perhaps on the short term--we are relying on faith and prayers in that departmart--and the will of the Lord.) He also said that a lot, a lot of people live many, many years with this.  It sounds good to me!  That is what I pray for, to have many more years.  I continue on the path of preparation.  But I have so much to live for.  So many reasons to be happy.  And I am happy,  I have been given a great gift,  We all know our time to meet our Savior will come.  No one knows when that will be.  But it has been made clear to me that I need to tuck in loose edges.  I need to be careful how I spend my time.  I need to make lasting memories with my family and friends.  I need to repent daily.  I need my kids and my husband to know that I adore them.  I need them to know that they are strong and good and can weather difficult storms.  They need to know that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father love them more than they can possibly understand.  But they can understand enough to know that they will be taken care of and watched over.

How is Dennis?  I told him I felt like I needed to change his name to Peter because he is such a rock of strength.  I don't think I could handle these things with as much strength as he seems to be, knowing that I may be left alone without my dear spouse. We talked one night and he led me realize that he is struggling too.  He has also received a witness that things will be well.  We are amazed that the subject of the sacrament meeting talks we gave a couple of weeks ago was the atonement.  It was a very timely topic for us to study.  That night we cried and talked for a long long time.  But we were comforted by The Comforter.  We don't dwell on it.  We live.  We are grateful for an abundance of blessings. 

That is the nut shell version.   We go up and down.  We do need listening ears.  We are the recipients of much service.  (For example I LOVE comments on my blog, three minute phone calls, rides to radiation-- stuff like that.)  Thanks so much to all of you out there who love and support us daily.  We are doing very well.

Conference Sunday

The entire Porter family was able to get together Sunday!  I had so much fun being with everyone.  It was no small effort for all to gather.  I am so grateful!



ketchup





Watching General Conference--afternoon session





Jonny was so funny--he put this thing on Camille's nose when she fell asleep.  He was laughing at himself.





mustard & ketchup