It doesn't matter how many times this crashes over my head. I will never get used to it. We learned this week that the cancer is still in my left breast. Back to harsh chemo....
I go back and forth. Sometimes I feel really good and have tons of faith. "The greater the trial, the greater the compliment from a loving Heavenly Father." --President Eyring-- My sister sent me this quote. Other times I really struggle and I cry. I feel totally overwhelmed and frustrated. I try so hard to cling to faith.
Well, I have done it before I can do it again. I have been blessed so abundantly through my trials. I have to remember to count my many many blessing, name them one by one. And it truly does surprise me what the Lord has done!
Dr. Dickson taught us about Joseph in Egypt, how the day he was cast into prison was probably not a very good day. But his mission was to get to know Pharaoh and save all the House of Israel. I know my mission is most likely not that far reaching. But if anything I go through helps the gospel sink deep into the hearts of my children, then anything I suffer will be well worth it. I have to remember this!
5 comments:
You wouldn't be human if you didn't struggle. Faith isn't always a constant thing. Unfortunately, just because you have it one day doesn't mean you're not going to doubt the next. You are stronger than you think. You are leaving a legacy to your children and grandchildren and beyond that only Heavenly Father knows.
We're praying for you. I wish there was more we could do. {{Hugs}}
Katie, this is heart-wrenching and words fail me. I know you are strong and I hope my faith can be strong to work on your behalf as well. The author of faith is by far stronger than that of fear. It is to Him we must look and live. Our prayers have not ceased in your behalf. Love ya!
What an awesome doctor you have! I know you are leaving a legacy of faith for your kids and for all of us. My friend Stacy posted on her blog about her friend Sarah who was just diagnosed with breast cancer at age 32. I posted a link to your blog on her comment section so she can "visit" your blog if she wants. I will post her blog's link here.
http://sarahvscancer.blogspot.com/
I remember you told me years ago about a talk by Elder Eyring about the ebb and flow of trials and of faith. That understanding has helped me so much to be human and allow myself to be weak at times, "for when I am weak, then am I strong" says Paul. Therefore, "I rejoice in mine infirmities" and mine afflictions because they turn me to the Lord in my nothingness as He is my only hope in maintaining, regaining, and obtaining faith and hope. Remember you are doing better than you thing you are. I have to tell myself that a lot.
I love you, Katie!
Katie I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. It's okay to have some doubts. Underneath it all, I know you have great faith. You and your family are in my prayers. Love you tons!
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