We saw Dr. Dickson yesterday. It was an emotional visit for all three of us of us as we discussed the future. I have really struggled with what I should write on my blog. I have learned over the past 3 1/2 years that it is very hard sharing this kind of news with people. You make people cry. You find yourself giving out a lot of comfort. (And that does not bother me at all.) You almost feel mean for making people sad. I have tried to keep my blog positive and sort of wear rose-colored glasses. I don't even know how to approach this!
I guess I will just plunge in. I asked Dr. D. how much longer I had to live. His guess is 3-6 months, most likely 3, judging on how fast the cancer is growing. I could choose to do more chemo. There is a 20% chance that it will make a difference. It could give me possibly 3 extra months. I have to decide what to do.
I was visiting with a lady today. She said the doctor gave her husband 1 1/2 months to live after he was diagnosed with cancer and he survived 11 months. I was happy to hear that and it seems like we hear stories all the time about people beating the odds.
So now what?
My thoughts for the last few weeks have been to prepare.
That is what I have been doing.
I am still here!!
I must do the most important things.
I can choose to be cheerful. (It's very hard sometimes!!!)
I can strengthen my kids for what lies ahead.
Dennis and I have been thinking of their future needs and have tried to talk to them openly about what may lie ahead.
My kids need to know of my testimony.
They need to know I love them.
They need to know that submission to Heavenly Father's will is so important to me.
I need to pray for my husband and do what I can to strengthen him.
We are going to be okay!!! Try not to worry about us. I know Heavenly Father is in charge. He knows us and loves us and blesses us. Of this I have no doubt.
17 comments:
It's hard to know what to say. But know that we love you and your family! I read a quote by another mother going through exactly what you are. "If Heavenly Father thinks we can do this, then we can!" Hugs and Prayers!
Thinking of you and you all with love.
Katie, you make such a difference. I love reading your blog and gathering strength from your sweet mothering and family. You have created so so very much that is beautiful. I have long wished we were more than virtual neighbors.
You are an example to me. When I read your words I see one who understands how the Atonement offers one strength, makes one sturdy, and brings peace. I watch you with great desire to follow your footsteps of faith.
I love you. --Valerie
Thank-you for sharing so that I can prepare to let you go too. I have felt a closeness to you just by reading your blog, not to mention that we are cousins! I admire your spiritual strength and honesty. It helps me keep perspective of what truly is important and to teach my children and prepare them for any trial that comes in life. I love you. I know you will be okay because of your relationship with Christ and Heavenly Father.
You are such an inspiration to me!
None of us knows how long we will be here for this part of our eternal progression. It makes me realize that I need to live my life in such a way that we're prepared for whatever may come.
Your children are so blessed to have such a fabulous mom (and dad) who are making the most of this very hard time. They will be strengthened throughout their lives because of your influence now and in the future.
You and your sweet family will continue to be in my prayers.
I love you, Katie!
Katie we love you so much. I never cease to doubt in miracles or the power of the Lord in accomplishing His designs. I know fantastic blessings await you and your family through all this. Thanks for being such a great inspiration to us all!
You and your family are in our prayers.
Katie you are my hero!!!!!! I love you!!!
Katie,
Taralyn called me and told me about your blog. I have been reading and my heart is so full to hear your beautiful words. You are a special blessing to so many. You show so much courage, strength, and faith. I will pray for you and your beautiful family every day!
JoLynn Johnston Conrad
Katie you really are amazing and you're strength is contagious!! My mom has been giving me updates and we will continue to pray for you and your sweet family. Even though it's been years since we've seen you we love you all!
Love, Jan (lost cousin)
I am sad for myself. I'm sad for you. I'm sad for your family. But on the other hand, I like you trust--that although we don't understand how and why, somehow this will work to make a beautiful eternal picture. You will be blessed to know how to prepare. And I'm also confident that you will be an amazing guardian angel to your children and Dennis.
Your family is in our prayers. We love you! You have fought a good fight! I don't have to understand to the "why's" to understand that God is in charge and trust Him. Hugs!
Oh Katie, What a princess you are!! We are so wrenched but we will be like you and your family. We know they are too. Father does know best and I know you have so much to give here and there. We must choose to accept His will. I love your blog! Please don't quit until you have too. Please know of our love and prayers for you and your family. My invisible arms are around you all and special hugs for your dad and my brother. I know of his love and tears for you. God bless you all!
What a grand mix of pure emotion! Laughter, pain, miracles, grief, longing, horror, humor, brilliant joy and a peace that gently covers and binds them ALL together.
You seem to have the precious gift to make each one of these count.
Many share their testimony in the way that they live their life, but very few can add to it such a clear, glorious and beautiful expression of faith in the very moments they plan their return home.
Your entire life is music Katie.
I love you.
We're thinking of you and praying for you and your family. I liked what Joddi said about if Heavenly Father knows we can, then we can! It's so true.
Thank you for your good example of being such a righteous mother. I remember babysitting for you guys sometimes when you'd go to the temple. I'm sure it's not always easy to get away when you have young kids, but I appreciate your example of doing what's important. I'm sure your kids do too.
Growing up, I watched you during sacrament meeting with all of your kids sitting next to you while Dennis was in the bishopric. You have such a calm demeanor, and I've always admired how you take care of your children. Thank you for your wonderful example of what a mother should be. :) I look forward to being a mother like you someday.
Katie
As I have read your blog, you have been an example to me in many areas. Life is awful hard at moments. I'm so grateful that we know that this life is a test and not the culminating event. Stay strong. I haven't talked to you forever, but my heart, prayers and love sure go out to you and your sweet family.
Love Teena Porter Horlacher
Sweet Katie. I want you to know that you have been in my prayers. Prayers are answered. If you can have happy moments, wonderful teaching moments, peace and the list goes on and on, then some of my prayers have been answered. I do love you and your sweet family. Thank you for your example. May you and your family receive many more blessings. You have always been and will be an angle.
Aunt Karma Ellgen
Katie - I don't know what I can add that hasn't already been written so beautifully by the others before. I will say that you have always been a source of strength to me, and have continued to be as I've peeked in on your blog. Thank you for sharing your testimony in both words and actions. Heavenly Father must love and trust you and your family so much to know that He can trust you with such a great burden to bear.
love ya!
Katie,
I love you and your family. Thank you for sharing your sweet, amazing, hard and always faithful life with us. I know that one more angel is returnng Home. I also know how each of us feels when we look back and remember our Katie..valiant, courageous, lovely and above all, a daughter of God, and a mother to beautiful children. May your journey back be paved with all the love we feel for you and your family, and the knowledge that we will see you again. Much, much love, Luana
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