How Am I Doing?

Tuesday I saw a physical therapist about my lymphadema. She said we caught it very early it is so good.  Most to all of my swelling can be controlled with a compression sleeve.  They gave me a glove that has taken down the swelling in my hand.  I do not mind because it helps with the pain.  Pain pills are a life savers too!

After meeting with her I had my radiation and then met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. McAllister.  I like him. He is personable and open.  The result of the MRI that I had confirmed what Dr. Dickson thought, that the cancer is growing around the nerve in the brachial plexus. The nerve starts in the back of my shoulder an goes under the collar bone in the front and down my arm. I am on a reduced dose of radiation to that area to hopefully kill that cancer and save the nerve.  Hopefully I will get the use of my hand back, but it will not be a speedy thing it sounds like and may even take longer to see results longer than getting all my radiation. I am in my second week of a 4-week treatment plan--no changes yet in improvement. 

The radiation is not bad at all.  I lay on this "bed" that they move with a control.  I lay on a mold they made me the first day so it is easier to always have the same position.  They line up all my tattoos to make sure they are in exactly the right spot.  Then everyone leaves the heavily-doored room (except me, of course) and the radiation is turned on for about 25 seconds from as nearly as my one-Mississippi, two Mississippi method tells me. Then I'm done. 

I asked Dr. McAllister a couple of question I have never dared ask.   I sort of asked how long....? I don't know why I have not ever asked.  Part of the reason is because I do not think there is an answer, no one can know that!. And of course, assuming someone really does know the answer, I don't think I really want to know, but at the same time I do want to know.  Sounds very conflicting and let me assure you that that is true!   He said he can not predict the next 10 minutes let alone the next ten years.  (That is true for every person on earth!) He said that I have the disease that will eventually take my life and treatments will not save me (well perhaps on the short term--we are relying on faith and prayers in that departmart--and the will of the Lord.) He also said that a lot, a lot of people live many, many years with this.  It sounds good to me!  That is what I pray for, to have many more years.  I continue on the path of preparation.  But I have so much to live for.  So many reasons to be happy.  And I am happy,  I have been given a great gift,  We all know our time to meet our Savior will come.  No one knows when that will be.  But it has been made clear to me that I need to tuck in loose edges.  I need to be careful how I spend my time.  I need to make lasting memories with my family and friends.  I need to repent daily.  I need my kids and my husband to know that I adore them.  I need them to know that they are strong and good and can weather difficult storms.  They need to know that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father love them more than they can possibly understand.  But they can understand enough to know that they will be taken care of and watched over.

How is Dennis?  I told him I felt like I needed to change his name to Peter because he is such a rock of strength.  I don't think I could handle these things with as much strength as he seems to be, knowing that I may be left alone without my dear spouse. We talked one night and he led me realize that he is struggling too.  He has also received a witness that things will be well.  We are amazed that the subject of the sacrament meeting talks we gave a couple of weeks ago was the atonement.  It was a very timely topic for us to study.  That night we cried and talked for a long long time.  But we were comforted by The Comforter.  We don't dwell on it.  We live.  We are grateful for an abundance of blessings. 

That is the nut shell version.   We go up and down.  We do need listening ears.  We are the recipients of much service.  (For example I LOVE comments on my blog, three minute phone calls, rides to radiation-- stuff like that.)  Thanks so much to all of you out there who love and support us daily.  We are doing very well.