Three Years Ago Today...Part 1

It was March 30, 2007 that I received the life changing news that I had infiltrating ductal carcinoma or breast cancer. On this reflective day I'd like to share my story.

February 22-- my Mary was 2 months old and I got a breast infection on the left side. It was then that I discovered a lump. I was not concerned about it at all and I forgot about it.

On March 17 I got another infection on the right side (I thought these infections to be very strange -- in my experience, they had never occurred with me past 2 weeks postpartum) and went to urgent care for an antibiotic. I did not even mention the lump.

Interestingly, on Monday,March 19, I made "I can do hard things" posters for my kids. Sometime that week I must have rediscovered the lump but I didn't write about it in my journal, nor had I previously written anything about it, only that I'd had some infections. I did write that on Sunday March 25 Dennis gave me a blessing and I was blessed that everything would be alright. I had talked to my friend, Luana on Friday and she urged me to get it checked out. I made an appointment with a doctor for March 27.

The doctor did an exam and got me an appointment for an ultrasound for the next day. She also mentioned they may take a biopsy. I asked her if it would interfere with nursing Mary. That was my only concern! I went home and prayed so hard that they would just know from the ultrasound that there was no reason for a biopsy. I have a family history of fibroadenoma so I was pretty sure that was what I was dealing with.

This was right before I lost my hair.

So on March 28 I dropped Drew and Alexa off at Joddi's. Carolee, Mary and I went to the hospital. I took Carolee with me so she could help with Mary. I planned to nurse Mary right before the ultrasound so they could get a clear view of my benign lump. Right before I left my home I knelt and pleaded with Heavenly Father again that I would not have to get a biopsy. I felt sure my prayer would be answered. So when the radiologist said they needed a biopsy I was really disappointed. But I was still fairly sure that I did not have cancer. They told me there was a 30% chance it was cancer and that the results would be in on Friday, March 30.

That Friday morning I got up and got the kids and Dennis off to school. I showered and got ready for the day. After that I decided to sit down and read the Ensign while I waited for the right hour to call the doctor. I opened up to where I had left off reading previously and read an article called "My Burden is Light". As I was reading I had an impression that the results of my test would be positive for cancer. But I felt very calm and peaceful. I knew that Heavenly Father was aware of me and was watching over me. I knew that everything would work out. So when I got the phone call I was not totally surprised. But in hindsight I realize I went into shock. I was alone except for my little kids (the doc wanted me to come in but I insisted she tell me on the phone). It was kind of like a slow motion steam roller, not a proverbial "ton of bricks". I made a few phone calls, got Alexa on the kindergarten bus and then went to Brandon's school program that afternoon. It was a blessing to have somewhere to go so I could be around people. When I got there I realized I had forgotten to eat lunch. I couldn't eat or sleep for over a week.

I was so grateful for the reassurance I had had because for the next week or two I worried constantly. I kept thinking maybe I would wake up for this horrible dream. One amazing blessing was that Dennis was on spring break for that entire week after receiving my diagnosis. We relied on each other for strength. We grew so close together as we struggled. We did everything together, went everywhere together. I remember one afternoon that week. Tears were rolling down my cheeks as I prepared dinner. I needed some reassurance. I hurried to find Dennis. He held me until I could be brave again and finish supper. It was all so surreal.

Dennis and I went to meet with Dr. Dickson sometime that week. We learned that my cancer was aggressive but fairly typical, that the cure rate was in the 90 percentile. I started chemo on April 13. I was so sad to have to quit nursing Mary. She and I shed many tears together.

I had chemo every three weeks for 6 cycles. I then had surgery to remove the tumor and a port put in so I could have Herceptin--a "light-weight" chemo every three weeks for a year. I also had 6 weeks of radiation. Then came the happy day when I had my port removed. Ironically, that day, as I was waiting for my surgery, I discovered a lump in the same breast. But my doctors did not think it was cancer so I got a 4 month reprieve before the next wave hit.

With my kids at Craters of the Moon. Here I am in my wig.

If you are new to my blog you can look here and here for that story.

To be continued tomorrow....